STRUGGLES bwahahah!!!

Back 2 be a BLOGGER bwahahah!!

Its been a long tym since i post my last BLOG because my mind is still empty and dunno wat 2 post hir but I should try coz I miz having a new post..

I will just tell how's my life doing ryt now after my last post and what really encourage me to have a new POST again...

Hir it goes...!

My life after my last post is very CHALLENGING because GOD gave me a new STRUGGLES that really affects me(not only me but many people) but I should say that I'm still lucky coz GOD never leave me(us) and he gave me those people that can help me to realize every little thing that happens to me..

Now I should say that,that STRUGGLE is the way of GOD to teach me to be STRONG and I know that now I am...

We can't blame anyone for those TRIALS we encounter coz they doesn't even know about it...

I will just tell one of those struggle that I've been encounter up to now...

...........................................................

There is a person that is close enough to me, he's like my older brother coz he treat me so nice like his younger sis..

But one day when I woke up I suddenly realize that I'm falling for HIM it was wrong I know coz in the first place he was just only treating me like his younger sister that's why I decided to end all of our communication. I don't even want to see HIM at all coz I know that he can't understand me coz I think he's so insensitive. I am right he really is very insensitive person. I don't want him to know all the reason's why I need to end all our communication but he tried to ask me again and again still I didn't tell HIM but I know and I already feel that he's getting an idea.

Why did I say so..?

Because one time he txted me and he said one phrase connected to what I really feel and that really force me to get mad at HIM coz that phrase is not good to hear....(grrr...) After he said that I decided not to txt HIM anymore even I am still confused if I can do it and finally I did..

I just talk to GOD about it and ask a little sign if the thing I did is right or wrong. If the sign happen in that week I'm wrong but if it isn't happen I'm right hahahha!!! Suddenly when I discern for it GOD gave me a sign that tells me I'm definitely wrong but still I continue to pray about it and it gave me a big realization hahahah!!!...

REALIZATION:

Not everyone can understand what u really feel and there are still people pretending they don't know what you're trying to say even they already know...hahahahha!!(SPONGEBOB)

................................................................

Now I'm done with those struggles and i will just laugh if GOD will give me anoder challenge because laughing is the best medicine haha...

I don't want to be EMO again coz many people sees me how I cried when GOD is giving me STRUGGLES and SATAN that time is laughing..

I'm strong enough to face all those TRIALS that GOD has given me and PPG is there to cheer me up plus YFC my second true family...

YFC for me is the source of my strength they made me strong enough to face all the people trying to pull me down because YFC pulls me up.. GOD really rockz!!!

SATAN will never see me crying because of those TRIALS,STRUGGLESand for those hu's trying to hurt me coz I'm back, Mimi's back the strong person I was before hahahaha!!!(MALDITA!!)

What's happen'n to me...

I thought i am now fixed!!

But I realize I am not!!

I am definitely not FIXED!!

Nor Healed!!

I thought I am strong enough to face all my BURDENS
and to heal my owns PAINS..
How can I help other people if I know deep in me that I can't help myself..
GOD is waiting outside of my heart he's knocking on me but there's a wall between us i don't know how to remove it. Don't know what's going on with my own life. Don't know who am I..
Every piece of me are BROKEN definitely hard to fixed.
How can I start fixing all those pieces, don't know where to start.
Don't know how to remove the wall between me and my GOD.
I know GOD is still waiting outside of me.
He's hungry, sick, thirsty yet he's still waiting for me to remove the wall, open the door to my heart and mind.

I know GOD is the only one that can help me to fixed my self.

But there's hindrances why GOD can't enter my heart, my mind and all of me.
I really can't find those hindrances between me and my GOD.

---That's what I am last nyt-----

I wan't to be happy without pretending.

I wan't to be strong enough to face all those pains in me.

I wan't to get out of this problem for me to let go of myself.

I wan't GOD to enter my life, my heart and my mind.

I wan't to fixed myself.

I wan't GOD to use me.

I wan't to serve GOD without hesitation.

---This is all i want---

Last nyt sumone hit me at my back and say "Don't let Satan enter to ur heart, Don't show to him that your weak".

And suddenly I realize he's right and I wake up to the reality that I need to remove all the walls and hindrances between me and my GOD and i will let GOD enter my life, my heart and my mind.

I cried so hard because I'm guilty coz GOD get sick, hungry and thirsty because he's waiting for me to remove the wall and open the door to my heart.

I realize that he really love's me and he's willing to wait for me to get only his hand.

But still don't know how to start to get his hand even though i realize that I need HIM...

Don't know where to start my new life with.

Don't know how to fixed myself..

All I wan't is to be happy without pretending and accept GOD with all of me..

Becoz I know he's the only one I need.

---This is Who am I ryt now---

I am now FIXED!!

I do have alot's of burden inside of me..

Cguro nga tama ung naging mess. sakin ni GOD...

I have 2 let go of it...
Ask some help from other people that u know can help u..

Sobrang naging aus akoh ngaung araw na toh..

Muli akong pinaiyak ni GOD dahil niyakap niya koh during our 1ST WORXP of the year, pinaiyak niya din akoh dahil pinaramdam niya na di akoh nagiisa dahil madaming taong naniniwala, nagmamahal at sumusoporta sakin.

Ang sarap ng feeling na marefresh lahat sa utak at puso moh ung mga bagay na unti unting nawawala sau dahil sa mga PAINS, BURDENS and BITTERNESS inside of u.

Muling ipinaramdam sakin ni GOD na nanjan lang siya hinihintay akoh na kunin ang mga kamay niya at muli niya akong itatayo sa pagkakadapa koh dahil nagpapadala akoh sa mga bagay na humahatak sakin pababa.

Super sarap ng pakiramdam na nilinis at inauz ni GOD lahat ng sakit sa puso koh meron paring mga lamat ang natitira pero alam koh TIME CAN HEAL. Ang daming taong mas higit pa ang PAINS sa loob nila pro akoh mga problema koh ngaun alam koh wala pa un pero bakit akoh nagpapadala. Hindi koh kaylangan maging mahina dahil alam koh na nanjan ang mga taong nagmamahal at patuloy akong susuportahan sa lahat at gagabayan sa lahat katulad ng mga ka YFC koh. Sobrang minahal koh sila at hindi koh kayang mawala sila sakin dahil sila lang nagbibigay ng lakas ng loob sakin pero alam koh GOD HAS A BETTER PLAN FOR MY LIFE at unti unti silang kukunin sakin hanggang matutunan kong magisa at tumayo sa lahat ng mga problema koh pero sana hanggat wala pa iyon hindi sila mawala sa tabi koh dahil sila lang ang mga taong nakakatulong at nakakagabay sakin.

Ano nga bang PURPOSE koh bilang isang YFC. Siguro kinuha akoh ni GOD dahil alam niya na kaya koh lahat lagpasan ang BURDENS koh at alam niya na kaya kong magpagamit sa kanya para ikalat ang pangalan niya. Isa na nga siguro un sa mga PURPOSE koh dito pero kung malalaman koh lang lahat alam koh madami pa akong dapat matutunan at lagpasan para malaman at makuha ang tunay na halaga koh bilang isang TAO at bilang isa sa mga magpapakalat ng pangalan ni KRISTO sa mga taong hindi naniniwala sa kaniya.

Alam koh ngaun pagkatapos ng WORXP namin kanina muli nanaman akong magiging maauz hindi man TOTALLY ok pero alam koh nabawasan lahat ng PAINS na dinadala koh.

GOD FIXED ME..

GOD FIXED MY BROKEN HEART..

GOD PUT AWAY ALL MY BURDENS...

Dunno when!!..

Until when Im gonna hide those tears and those pains to all the persons around me?..

Siguro hanggat kaya pang dalhin ng utak at puso kong itago lahat ng luha at sakit na nararmdaman koh.

Hangang saan ba ang kaya koh na magkunwaring masaya kahit hindi namn ang hirap at ang bigat sakin na hindi koh maipakita sa kanila at maipadama sa kanila ung tunay kong nararamdaman ang daming problemang dumarating sakin na alam kong kaya koh naman lagpasan pero binigay ba sakin un ni GOD para tignan ang kakayanan koh at ang faith koh sa kanya o ibinigay sakin un ni GOD para isipin at ipagkatiwala din sa iba at isiping hindi akoh nagiisa. Itong BLOG na toh ang nagsisilbi sakin na takbuhan koh sa tuwing ang dami kong iniisip at ang daming gumugulo sakin nasan ba ang tunay na MIMI ung kilala ng lahat na maingay, magulo, masayahin, makulit at super kung tumawa bakit ngaun ang daming naninibago sakin at tinatanong kung akoh nga ba talga toh.

Naitanong koh nadin un sa sarili koh sino ba talga ang taong nasa loob koh ngaun "akoh nga ba toh?" At naitatanong koh rin sa sarili koh "karapat-dapat pa ba akong maging isang YFC" ang daming kasablayan ang nagagawa koh. Bakit ganun akoh anong nangyari sakin? Anong kaylangan kong gawin para maibalik at maging masigla ulit ang MIMI na kilala ng lahat. Pero pano koh gagawin un kung hindi koh alam kung saan akoh maguumpisa.

Sa araw-araw na nand2 akoh sa earth at nabubuhay may mga tao akong nasasaktan ng hindi koh namamalayan, may mga tao akong hindi koh binibigyan ng pansin kahit alam kong sila lang ang makakatulong sa lahat ng problema koh. Binigay sila sakin ni GOD para gabayan akoh at akayin akoh sa tamang landas pero bakit nagpapadala padin akoh sa mga kamalian koh?. Ano ba ang tama at mali?, ano ba ang dapat at hindi dapat kong ginagawa? Alam koh un pero bakit hindi koh padin magawa.

New Years eve sa halip na makisaya akoh ng gabing un mas pinili koh mag-isa sa kwarto koh, tumingin sa bintana, pagmasdan ang mga makukulay na paputok na parang umaakyat sa langit at nagiisip ng malalim kung ano ba akoh sa mundong toh?. Ano bang misyon koh at bakit akoh nandito ngaun? Ano ba ang dapat kong matutunan at ano ba dapat ang ituro koh sa mga taong kailngan akoh..

Hindi koh mahanap ngaun kung nasan ba ang MIMI at kilala ng lahat. Hangang kaylan ba koh magiging gani2, hangang kaylan ba maitatago ang sakit ng nararamdaman koh at kelan ba koh ba maipapakita ang sarili koh sa iba?. Sana maibalik koh ang dating sigla at saya sa mga ngiti at mata koh. Nasan na nga ba iyon?. San napunta? Mayron bang kumuha?. Ewan koh kung ano dapat ang isipin at ano dapat ang gawin koh para maibalik lahat sa dati at maging maayos muli akoh. Ang hirap magkunwari at itago ang totoong nararmdaman.

Until when I'm gonna hide those tears and pains in me...

My 2007 life w/ YFC-FEU..

OCTOBEr 15-17

(TALON! CAMP)

I2 ung date kung saan una kong nakilala ang YFC-FEU and unti-unti akong pinagbago as time and weeks goes by. Super naging malaking part sila ng life koh dahil pinakilala at tinulungan nila koh na ipakilala sa sarili koh kung sino si GOD at ano ba siya sa buhay koh. Hinding hindi koh pdeng makalimutan ung mga nangyari d2 as 2007 became history.

OCTOBER 20-21

(GK EXPO)

Diz date was the GK expo. na ginanap sa likod ng MOA madami kaming pumunta dun na nagkita2 sa JOBI MORAYTA kasama na si ATE RHEI (YFC-FEU ALUMNAE) kung saan dun koh unang nakilala. Hapon palang ay nandun na kami ngunit noong dumating na kami ay nagumpisa ng magparada kaya naghanap kami ng mga taong masasabayan upang makapsok kami sa mismong lugar kung saan gaganapin ang GK. Nagsimba din kami doon sa malapit na simbahan sa may MOA at doon mismo sa lugar ay meron pa kong nakilala galing sa ibang campus (TIP) it was Kuya Patrick, Kuya Ricky and Andrew na kasalukuyan na hindi pa ganap na YFC. Maagang natapos ang GK ngunit madami samin ang hindi pdeng umuwi dahil nakapagpaalam na uumagahin kya nagpasiya kaming maghanap nalang ng lugar na pde naming pagtambayan kaya naglakad-lakad kami ng paikot2 at bandang 5am ay nakarating kami sa baywalk at hinintay na lumiwanag at duon kami nagpasyang umuwi kahit nakakapagod ang araw na iyon super naging memorable namn at naging masaya ang araw na nagkasama2 kami.

NOVEMBER 05

(FIRST WORXP)

It was our first worxp for the 2nd sem. at the same time it is also my 1st ever experince 2 have a worxp. Super naging masaya ung una kong worxp kasi d2 una kong pinaiyak ni GOD dahil sa mga bagay na super kong naappreciate at dahil sa mga bagay na ibinigay sakin ni GOD simula ng naging part akoh ng YFC-FEU d2 rin isinagawa ang isang surprise party para kay JHOM isa ring talon baby ka2lad koh dahil NOv. 04 ang kanyang b-day at gus2 ng buong YFC na iparamdam sa kanya ang love na galing kay GOD at sa YFC.

DECEMBER 09

(X-MAS PARTY)

It was sunday morning nagkita kita kami sa jobi morayta w/ YFC-FEU at sabay sabay pumunta sa DAR GYM kung saan gaganapin ang x-mas party of the hul Metro Manila YFC. Super aga ng kol tym namn 7am actually pero nagkitakita na kami at nakumple2 ng 8 paz and nakadating ng 9paz sa DAR akala nmn late na kami at patapos na pero pagdating nmn naguumpisa palang ng opening worxp kya umabot kami sa lahat ng mga ginanap doon.Diz date also is the bday of Kuya Jm kya nagpunta kami ng TRINOMA and duon nagikot ikot until we find a GOOD place 2 stay kung saan ang dami naming napagusapan at napagkwen2han at super dami ding tawanan dahil sa bago kong kilala na naging Tatay koh c TATAY LEE. Super napuno ng halakhak ang paligid dahil sa knya. Almost paz 5pm na kami umalis ng TRINOMA at nagkahiwahiwalay pero bago kami 2luyang umuwi nagsimba muna kami sa SAN SEBASTIAN CHURCH at nagpasalamat dahil super naging masaya ang araw na un.

DECEMBER 15-16

(COVENANT & YCT)

It was our covenant day for the TALON babies pero syempre d lang para samin un pati narin sa mga d pa nakakapagcovenant super naging masaya ung 2 days and one night na samahan namin Dec. 15 at 5pm nagkita kita ulit ang YFC sa JOBI LEGARDA and nagpunta sa apartment nila KUYA NICK kung saan gaganapin ang COVENANT at dun magoovernyt. 12am kami lahat nagpahinga pero isa koh sa mga hindi naka2log dunno y?.and after dat Dec. 16 at 3am nagsigising at nagayos 4 d simbang gabi super saya kasi kahit puyat kami at ung iba hindi na2log still nakapg SIMBA parin kami ng sabay sabay at pag katapos magsimba isa isa ng bumalik sa pagppahinga at na2log habang hinihintay na magkaron ng tubig at makaligo.8am nagstart na ulit ang tok 2 hanggang 7pm sunod sunod na tok kasama na ang pagkakaron namin ng YCT for the upcoming CAMP.

DECEMBER 20-22

(TIMEOUT! CAMP)

I2 ung last CAMP 4 d yr. na napuntahan koh super naging maayos at maganda ung kinalabasan dahil kahit madaming struggles at problema ang pinagdaanan namin during and after d camp still nasagawa padin namin ng maayos. I2 din ung first tym koh na magiging FACI super duper kinakbahan at natatakot akoh nung una dahil wla pa kong kaalam alam kung ano dapat ginagawa ng isang FACI binigyan kami ng FACILITATORS GUIDE and binasa koh un paulit2 simula sa D.G. at sa one2ones sa isang paticipant and hindi koh inaasahan na dalwa hahawakan koh and hanggang dumating ung nyt ng pag BAPTISE super kinakbahan akoh pero ang daming nag cheer-up sakin na wag kabahan dahil hindi naman mahirap un and the only thing I need is my faith 2 our GOD. Hanggang sa natapos nalang un ng d koh namamlayan at nasabi koh sa sarili koh super saya pala maging isang FACI at gus2 koh ulit ung maulit. Ang galing ni GOD magwork sakin dahil alam koh he never leave me.

I2 lahat ng nagawa koh w/ YFC-FEU na sobrang hindi koh makakalimutan sa pagdating ng 2008 and alam koh mas madami pa kong pagdadaanan at mararanasan sa taon na toh kasama ang YFC-FEU hindi lang ang YFC-FEU pati na sa ibang mga activities.